Let Sleeping Cats Lie?

21-08-05

Do cats have feelings? Can they feel lonliness? Do they yearn for security and a cuddle from a human relationship? ...'Cause there's this cat who lives in my building....

...He looks just like a cat I used to know, years ago. Looks like little Wallace before a reckless car took him. This cat isn't like the others. He spends most of his time in my stairwell. I have never seen him venture past the front patio of the building; never seen him on the other side of the ten-foot high wall of evergreen-hedging blocking the front patio from the sidewalk and street. And he doesn't look as lean and scruffy as the other cats; or as street-tough and wild. He looks like he gets good quality food and maybe even has his shots. He looks healthy is what I'm saying.
The first week I lived here, he would scuttle away from me whenever I came to the landing he was sleeping on. When I came in late at night, though, and pushed the button that turns on the stairwell lights for sixty seconds, I felt badly about waking him up when I came to his landing. He would open one eye and squink from the bright lighting; then he would see it was me and because he didn't know me, he have to get up and lean into the wall and scoot past me as I turned 180 degrees on the four-foot square landing to climb the next flight of stairs. I tried to give him as much space as possible.

I felt badly for him and began to talk in kitty tones everytime I walked past him on the landings. After only two days of that, Wallace (for that's who he looks and acts like), attempted to rub into my legs in that affectionate cat-loving manner when I was trying to get into my front door. I didn't let him; but dodged him. The worst reason was because I didn't want strange-cat dander on me; not that he has any, and for that matter, not that he's strange; but you never know if you don't inspect the little fella. And, I am scared to have us become attached to each other emotionally. Is that why I haven't touched him yet? What if he is someone's cat? I just can't start feeding him and hanging out with him. That is a house-pet faux pas; everyone knows that. I also don't want him to sit at my apartment door and meow or be there every time I go to leave my place. It would make me so sad to know he's becoming dependent on my inadequate provision for his needs.

But now, whenever I am coming to the landing he is on, he just looks up at me and we smile at each other. I have noticed that he sleeps on different welcome mats all the time. He was even sleeping on the one outside of my apartment's door once. I was carrying some groceries and he ran into the anteroom, which connects all three suites of number 11. The neighbour at number ten was at his front door and removed the cat for me. He was nice about it; wasn't rough with him. I thought the cat was his by the tender way he handled him and the presence of both of them at the same time. But then I remembered seeing Wallace sleeping on different landings. He is on one when I come home and on another when I am leaving. I guess he's just got a piece of my neighbour's heart, too. And yesterday I saw some kitty bile and some chewed grass in the middle of a landing. Whoever's that was has a bellyache. What if it is Wallace who has the bellyache? There are many cats around but I only see Wallace on the landings. The rest stay outside, or hang out in the front entry near the front door, where the mailboxes are.

Tonight, when I came home from the beach and an ensuing bike ride through the streets, Wallace met me on the second landing. I think I touched him; stroked his back. He followed me all the way to my door and as soon as I opened it, he ran into the anteroom. I crouched down, extended my arm and rubbed my fingers together at him to get him to come out of the room. He came to me right away. I stroked him once more, then said good boy and slipped in through my door without him.

The cat in the suite beside mine, whom I never see, and whom I don't think goes out, is always crying at its door. I have seen more than my neighbour's hand, when he reached around his door to pluck his keys out of the lock, once; I only know my landlady, Orit (Or-eet). So, tonight, after I had eaten dinner and poured a big glass of juice, I decided to head up to the roof and look at the city lights for a bit. Wallace was sitting at my door when I opened it. Was he there the whole hour I spent making dinner and moseying around? Maybe he is attracted to the cat who lives inside the suite next to mine. Maybe that's why the anteroom smells so badly. Maybe the cat in the suite next to mine is in heat (hence the meowing) and maybe all sorts of cats (or maybe just Wallace) are spraying at the base of the door to number 11. And maybe, when that door is opened, it drags in the spray into the anteroom and the darkness and lack of fresh air make it stagnant. Or maybe not.

I have no idea if he would spray if I let him into my apartment. My anteroom, smells like cat spray so badly I'm getting some lysol tommorrow. I have thought about bleaching it but I wouldn't even want the mop cloth afterwards and I only have one. I guess I could buy more if the Lysol or some kind of spray-on disinfectant doesn't kill the rank smell. But would Wallace shoot some mist if I let him into my anteroom or even my sanctuary of a home? Would he start sleeping at my door? Would I have to get him shots and buy kitty litter and take him in to live with me? Sleep in my bed? Then would he be an inside cat or would I let him out when I went out and let him in when I came home? What would I do with him when I am ready to move from here? Does this cat even give friendship a thought or he is just being polite to me? Or is he totally unaware that he has any needs? Does he even have needs; or do I just have issues and an imagination?

In Israel / Palestine, these days, with all the oppression of people and how that lends itself psychologically and spiritually to the atmosphere; and with all the tension going on regarding the withdrawal from Gaza and the continued oppression in the West Bank and East Jerusalem, the violence and the confusion, is caring about the welfare of a cat insulting to the humans who are suffering? Last night, as I was leaving my street to go for a bike ride around Tel Aviv, I rode past a very recently dead cat. I couldn't believe how gory the sight was. This orange cat had not merely had the life knocked out of it by a vehicle. It was completely smashed and gaping, like a tire had squealed on it, flaying and mutilating its body. My stomach lurched and I swerved past it on my bike; but immediately the thought came to me - what of the humans that are torn apart and are squashed not fifty miles from here? I wouldn't allow myself to feel pain and loss over a dead cat if I can handle living my day-to-day first-world life in Tel Aviv, with madness and human degridation all around me, even spewing into this city.

On Friday, the Muslim holy day, someone or some group threw a severed pig's head into the front door of the Tel Aviv mosque. I have seen the mosque many times on the edge of Jaffa; its structure preceeds 1948 and its brick tower is beautiful, with its beautiful green light a shining beacon at night. The News could only surmise it was a protest of the Gaza settlements. I surmised it was a zionist attempt to incite Israeli-Palestinian Muslims, or even all Palestinians, to commit violence, thus giving anti-disengagment protestors ammunition to try to show why the government should change its mind about letting Palestinians have a little breathing room in the Gaza Strip.

In the light of all those who suffer around me, is the desire to care for the cat out of a sense of helplessness in terms of being able to help those who are suffering? Or is it narcissistic? Is it just some subliminally egocentric act stemming from personal lonliness? Or is care for a cat blessing peace and stepping towards compassion? Can caring for a cat affect other areas of the cat carer's life for the better? Instead of mocking suffering and compassion, does caring for a cat participate in both on an incarnational level?

Or is it just better to leave sleeping cats lie?